URGENT | Congress Takes Group Of Schoolchildren Hostage, Demands $12 Trillion or “All The Kids Die”

Okay all…

I needed a little Friday HUMOR so here we go…

It is an ONION piece so it is pure SATIRE, it is NOT real…

However, I wouldn’t rule out something like this actually happening…

They are kinda out of options…

~

Congress Takes Group Of Schoolchildren Hostage

‘We Need $12 Trillion Or All These Kids Die

WASHINGTON—Brandishing shotguns and semiautomatic pistols, members of the 112th U.S. Congress took a class of visiting schoolchildren hostage today, barricading themselves inside the Capitol rotunda and demanding $12 trillion dollars in cash.

If the money is not delivered by this evening, members of Congress say they will shoot a new child every hour on the hour.

House Speaker John Boehner (R-OH), who has emerged as spokesman for the bipartisan group, informed FBI negotiators this morning that the ransom was to be placed in stainless-steel suitcases and left on the Capitol steps by 4 p.m. sharp. If their demands are not met in full, the 11-term representative announced, “all the kids will die.”

“Bring us the money and we let the children go, simple as that,” said Boehner, appearing in the East Portico with a serrated switchblade held to one of the fourth-grader’s throats. “If you want to play games and stall for extra time, we’re going to shoot one kid an hour, starting with little Dillon here.”

“Tick tock,” he added, vanishing back into the building with the terrified child in tow.

Shaken witnesses reported that the ordeal broke out around 10 a.m. this morning, when in the midst of a Capitol building tour, Sen. Harry Reid (D-NV) suddenly burst into the National Statuary Hall with a pair of black panty hose over his head and began firing a Beretta 9 mm handgun into the air, shouting, “Everybody down! Everybody get the fuck down!”

Check out the rest with short video here…

~

4closureFraud.org

Comments
21 Responses to “URGENT | Congress Takes Group Of Schoolchildren Hostage, Demands $12 Trillion or “All The Kids Die””
  1. Elizabeth says:

    Elizabeth says:

    October 1, 2011 at 2:22 PM

    CLASS ACTION FOR THOSE PARTIES MISLED BY A CitiMortgage or BOA PROMISE FOR A LOAN MOD: RESULTS IN AN IDEAL ENDING FOR WELLS FARGO. A HOMEOWNERS WITH RUINED CREDIT AND NO TIME SELL! (perfect victim.)

    CLASS ACTION LAWSUIT Looking for lead plaintiff’s in Texas and New York

    DID YOU BELIEVE YOUR MORTGAGE LOAN MIGHT BE MODIFIED?
    DID YOU PAY AN APPLICATION FEE FOR A LOAN MOD?
    DID YOU PAY AN APPRAISAL FEE?
    DID YOU REQUEST A LOAN MODIFICATION?
    DID YOU FAX FINANCIAL INFORMATION IN FOR A LOAN MOD?
    DID YOU BELIEVE YOU WERE UNDER CONSIDERATION FOR A LOAN MOD?

    If you would like to participate in this class action suit please contact the law firm at:

    Attorney Preetpal Grewal pgrewal@cuneolaw.com (pgrewal@cuneolaw.com)

    The Firm is:

    Cuneo, Gilbert,& LaDuca, LLP
    Rockefeller Center
    620 Fifth Avenue
    New York N.Y. 10020

    They do NOT CHARGE UPFRONT FEES they get paid if you get paid so they have ainvested interest to work e-mail the lawfirm it seft they are representing me with CHASE, if you have problems money is slow e-mail her the lawyer not me your issues seh will get right back to and let you know if she can help you.

    God Bless
    Elizabeth

  2. CATTIKAYE says:

    OK, THAT DID IT!!! WAY OVER THE TOP!!!!! —-WAY, WAY, TOOOO FAR!!!!!!! AWFUL, AWFUL, SHAMEFUL, SHAMEFUL, SHAMEFUL!!!

    KEEP THE KIDS OUT OF THIS!!! AND KEEP THE PRES. OUT OF THIS SORT OF BS! WHAT IS THE MATTER W/ YOU!!!! EVEN IF YOU HAVE NO RESPECT FOR THE PRES, OR CHILDREN, THIS POST IS WAY PAST SHAMEFUL.!!! COME ON, PEOPLE, BE NICE, WE HAVE ENOUGH TO WORRY ABOUT WITHOUT MANUFACTURING & PROMOTING THIS KIND OF EVIL.

    PS. WE’VE JUST MOVED OUT OF OUR FORECLOSED HOME OF 11 YRS & INTO A KIND NEIGHBORS’ RENTAL, IN 110 +DEGREE WEATHER!!! THERE IS NO MOVE OUT “CASH FOR KEYS” WHAT A SCAM!! WE WERE SPOTLESS! BUT 10 YRS EARLIER, UPON PURCHASING THE HOME, WE REMOVED A BROKEN, LEAKING HOT TUB THAT THE PREV OWNERS PUT IN THE MSTR BATH INSTEAD OF A REG TUB. WE — USED THE TUB/SHOWER IN THE 2ND BDRM & PUT A NICE DESK IN THE MSTR BATH!!/OFC.

    • housemanrob says:

      Cattikaye………Obama could and could have put a stop to all of this many times. His administration……..and the GOP have not and will not stop this………..please try to understand………they are all on the take (the ones that are not, get no funding, therefore no votes) and don’t care about us……….NOT IN THE LEAST. GRASP THAT AND THE REALITY WILL SINK IN………….God bless!

    • CATTIKAYE….ps….WHAT DOES THAT HAVE TO DO TO WITH THIS STORY? So you removed a hot tub…no big deal. Looks like no money was spent on the house…..others have invested thousands to remodel …to up grade…into their homes and lost them…. And why keep the Pres out of it? He is a part of this…or didn’t you know that? Do you even know what is behind all this massive fraudulent scheme? We will mentioned him….in almost 3 years he has done shit for the people…he never intended to…A COMPLETE FAILURE TO THIS COUNTRY….Remember…voting is rigged……get the point??

    • lvent says:

      CATTIKAYE…….I think this is just the kind of smarky sarcasm they all deserve..SHAME ON THE U.S. GOVERNMENT….How many kids lives have these traitors in CONgress destroyed because they are all in bed with WALL STREET…? THE ONION SHOULD HAVE DONE THE OPPOSITE AND HAD THE KIDS HOLDING CONGRESS HOSTAGE AT GUN POINT AND EXTORTING TRILLIONS FROM CONGRESS…. Sorry you lost your home….but if you think this is outrageous you need to do you your homework about exactly what ALL of these dirty bastards have done to the hopes and dreams of millions of Americans…this doesn’t even come close to causing the harm they have all caused MAINSTREET…..Do you have any idea how much money they stole, lives they have ruined because of the stress they have caused, divorces, suicides, HOMELESSNESS, robberies by desperate people who don’t know where to turn, murders. deaths because people can’t afford to see a doctor or afford health insurance, people can’t even make enough money to feed themselves and their families….? While these traitors, continue to live the good life and have the best medical insurance and healthcare that our money can buy them plus big fat pensions….THEY ALL ARE TELLING MAINSTREET, TO EAT CAKE, after WALL STREET STOLE OUR pension,… our wealth, and a very many of our homes..TO COVER FOR ALL OF THEIR FRAUD…..140 TRILLION DOLLARS WORTH…..AND NOW THEY HAVE THE NERVE, AFTER CONGRESS BAILED OUT THEIR CRIMINAL ASSES AND EXTORTED OUR TAXMONEY..TO FORCE US TO PAY FOR WALL STREETS CRIMES…….THEY ARE STILL ALLOWING WALL STREET TO STEAL OUR HOMES AND NOW THE BASTARDS IN CONGRESS ARE COMING AFTER OUR SOCIAL SECURITY MONEY AND OUR MEDICARE TO PAY FOR MORE OF WALL STREETS FRAUD……….!!!..I HAVE NO SYMPATHY FOR THE DEVIL, OR HIS MINIONS AND COHORTS……I SAY BRING IT ON TO THE ONION…..SOCK IT TO EM…..THEY DESERVE THIS AND A WHOLE LOT MORE…THEY ALL DESERVE TO HAVE THEIR DIRTY STINKING CARCASES STRUNG UP IN THE MIDDLE OF THE CAPITAL BUILDING BY MAINSTREET…. !!!!!

      • lvent says:

        CONGRESS AND THE OBAMA ADMINSTRATION, ALL OF THE POLITICIANS HAVE NO SHAME…..THEY DON’T GIVE A F-CK ABOUT US…THEY WANT MORE FOR THEMSELVES AND THEIR CRIMINAL FRIENDS ON WALL STREET AND AROUND THE GLOBE AND NOTHING, AND I MEAN NOTHING FOR ANYBODY ELSE…..CATTIKAYE……THEY STOLE EVERYTHING FROM YOU….AND EXC– USE ME IF THIS SOUNDS HARSH, BUT, THEY DON’T GIVE A SHIT LESS IF YOU AND YOUR FAMILY DIE IN THE STREET….IN FACT, THEY HOPE WE ALL DIE HOMELESS AND BROKE IN THE STREET………THAT IS THEIR PLAN..THEY CALL IT POPULATION CONTROL….THE LESS OF US THEY HAVE TO CONTROL, THE LESS RESISTANCE THEY WILL FACE FROM ALL OF US WHO THEY KNOW ARE NOT WILLING TO CONFORM TO ALL OF THEIR EVIL PLANS FOR A ONE WORLD TOTALITARIAN GOVERNMENT…..THE RULING ELITE’S MOTTO IS CONFORM OR PERISH!!!…..Read what a Bush Senior Advisor said….here is the prime example of their arrogance and their let them eat cake attitudes….
        “We’re an empire now, and when we act, we create our own reality. And while you’re studying that reality, judiciously, as you will – we’ll act again, creating other new realities, which you can study too, and that’s how things will sort out. We’re history’s actors…..and all of you will be left to just study what we do.”
        Nice huh?They talk like we are all no more than a bunch of gerbils on a wheel in the cage they put all of us in going around in circles while they allow the NEW WORLD ORDER to take full control….WAKE UP AMERICA!!!!

  3. Thomas Ruffieux says:

    Even less funny is Obummer just assassintated a “bad” guy. He may have indeed been “bad” but we used to have standards in this country before we let the chief executive decide to execute American citizens. We also used to have stronger laws and regulations and predatory lending was uncommon. The similarity between you losing your house without due process is similar to the ultimate decision to randomly execute someone the Government has decided is a threat. I wonder if our Government views other citizens as “threats”? It is an incredible irony that personel within our National Security Complex also had roles at GSE’s Fannie and Freddie.

    • lvent says:

      Now that is what I call scary….they are all incredibly evil and what we are all living is an incredibly evil Hitler Plan by their owners…THE NEW WORLD ORDER…THE HEAD OF THE BEAST LIVES IN ROME…THE UN/NEW WORLD ORDER/SMOM/VATICAN/JESUITS OWN THIS EVIL PLAN…AND THEY HAVE HIJACKED AND INFILTRATED THE U.S. GOVERNMENT AND HAVE AGENTS WORKING FROM WITHIN AMERICA CARRYING OUT ALL OF THEIR EVIL PLANS….KNOW YOUR ENEMIES!!!!……..WAKE UP AMERICA!!!

      • lvent says:

        The Kenyan sent his evil cohort to take over Chicago…he used to work for Freddie Mac…..one of the politicians who ran against the Rahmfather, Carol Mosely Braun, called him out during the campaign and asked him isn’t his former employer, Freddie Mac, a big part of the reason there are all of these foreclosures? Then….almost immediatley after that comment, “someone” started investigating her financials and asked her to prove up where she was getting all of her money from……… Today the local news is reporting that “someone” is going after her and wanting to know where her campaign donations came from, if she does not show proof…she can never run for public office again…..They are all dirty filthy mafia scum..Leave Carol alone! And my local Congressman Bobby Rush looks like he is physically ill from whatever they have been doing to him….it is just plain horrifying….all of it…from the top down it is disgraceful!

      • lvent says:

        They should free Blago. The reason ‘someone’ went after him was because he did some things to help the people…and no doubt pissed Daley off because all Daley ever wanted to do was raise taxes, and send Section 8 housing out to the suburbs. so he could put up fancy condos for the hotsy totsies who could afford to pay taxes…… A reporter from Chicago described Mayor Daley as being way more corrupt than Blago, but Daley is in the middle of an onion and there are so many layers to peel away to get to him, no one can get to him..He is actually going to collect a state and county pension…..after he had the nerve to tell the taxpayers that we will all be receiving a 155 billion dollar tax increase by the year 2015 to pay for all of the missing policmen and firemen’s pension money…..Rahm Emmanuel already announced yesterday there will be 2-3% property tax increase next year….on homes that are no longer worth what we paid for them…..Are we all nuts for putting up with this b.s or what? Time for a nationwide tax revolt!

  4. Kip Johnson says:

    Yeah funny. What isn’t funny is this disaster of an administration has refused to assist any homeowner. He hired Bankers and Hedge Fundies to his administration. Remember too that the Onion soft pedals propganda, is owned by a major “serious” news paper. Funny yes, but it would be tragic to have another 4 years of D/R failure. There is little difference between parties.

  5. qwester says:

    It’s the other party that’s stealing the money. That’s the only way the Democrat party knows. They usually do it with taxes.

  6. Constitutional ChrisYAHan says:

    This Sounds more like: the Reid, Pelosi, Frank division, of: O’Bummer’s Chicago MOB of: Jack Booted Thug

    Racketeers?

  7. rictic says:

    Awesome.. I almost wet myself laughing at that… In a sick twisted way you can sort of imagine Boehner pulling something like that 🙂

Leave a Reply