Romney Apologizes To Nation’s 150 Million ‘Starving, Filthy Beggars’

“Let me make this absolutely clear: I have the utmost respect for all of the filth-encrusted, lesion-covered degenerates of this nation,” Romney said. “In the coming weeks, I look forward to meeting real Americans in their squalid, roach-infested hellholes in every corner of this country. I promise to stand up for every one of you, even the 47 percent of you huddled together for warmth, fighting your own family members for moldy crusts of bread as you wallow in your own excrement.”


Romney Apologizes To Nation’s 150 Million ‘Starving, Filthy Beggars’

It’s from the ONION everyone, so it is pure SATIRE, for the most part, right?

SALT LAKE CITY—Seeking to limit the fallout from a videotaped speech in which he asserts 47 percent of Americans “pay no taxes” and do not take “personal responsibility and care for their lives,” Mitt Romney hastily called a press conference today to apologize personally to the “150 million starving, filthy beggars [he] might have offended.”

Saying that he deeply regretted his choice of words at a private $50,000-a-plate fundraising function in May—during which he argued “[his] job is not to worry” about the lower-earning half of the nation’s populace—Romney personally appealed to the country’s “dirt-caked garbage pickers and toothless street urchins” for forgiveness.

“First and foremost, I would like to offer a heartfelt apology to all the whores, junkies, bums, and grime-covered derelicts out there who make up nearly half our nation,” a visibly contrite and solemn Romney said outside a campaign stop at a local high school. “Let me assure you that I in no way meant to offend any of the putrid-smelling, barefoot masses out there. My campaign is not about dividing this nation, but about bringing all sides together—the rich, elegant members of the upper class, as well as the 47 percent who are covered in flies and eat directly from back-alley dumpsters.”

“I am fully committed to building a better future for every American,” Romney continued, “and that means ensuring all 150 million grease-and-urine-soaked members of our society get a fair shake.”

Rest from the ONION here…

History of The Onion

The satirical newspaper The Onion was founded in 1988 at the University of Wisconsin, Madison. Originally a weekly humor print publication targeting a local student population, The Onion is today a booming news organization known as America’s Finest News Source.

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Rest from the ONION here…


5 Responses to “Romney Apologizes To Nation’s 150 Million ‘Starving, Filthy Beggars’”
  1. Sal Graziano says:

    Gee, I never see any satire in the mainstream media regarding Obama…..guess that’s because there’s absolutely nothing about ‘Barry’ to ridicule. Just sayin’………and what ever happened to this site’s non-political focus on the central issue of foreclosure fraud – irrespective of political ideology? It’s been done by both sides of the isle TO both sides of the isle – plenty of fault to go around regarding foreclosure.

  2. Mystify says:

    If you want to try to keep the middle class alive, don’t vote for Romney he is definitely a one per center that wants the middle class out! Please vote for Obama so we can keep fighting for the America we believe in…before its too late!

  3. Tee says:

    Staying away from that one….

  4. stripes says:

    Romney needs to stop blaming the people for a quadrillion dollars in Wall Street credit fraud….WE NEED OUR OWN CURRENCY…U.S. BANK NOTES BECA– USE THE FED CREDIT SYSTEM IS INSOLVENT. Obama needs to be thrown out for moving America very deceptively into Complete Communism as a “fix” for a quadrillion dollars in Wall Street credit fraud.

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