Foreclosure Fun – Bank of America Announces That It Has Discovered Some Trivial Technical Problems With a Small Number of its Mortgages

This is one of the best reports I have seen on this mortgage mess yet…

Bank of America Announces That It Has Discovered Some Trivial Technical Problems With a Small Number of its Mortgages

Bank of America announced that it has discovered a few trivial, easily-remedied technical problems with some of its mortgages. “We will stop foreclosure sales in some states until our assessment has been satisfactorily completed, or until the politicians whom we have compensated so generously do their damn jobs and get rid of those pesky laws and rights that are slowing us down. Our ongoing assessment shows the basis for foreclosure decisions is accurate, except in those few regrettable cases where we repossessed a house that actually had no mortgage on it whatsoever—hey, nobody’s perfect, ha ha,” a Bank of America spokescreature said. “It’s really quite a lot of trouble to verify the address before we take someone’s house,” the spokescreature continued. “Comparing addresses on two documents slows us up by a good fifteen seconds. After all, we have a lot of houses to foreclose on. Anyway, many of those people actually do owe money to us, or to somebody, anyway. I know it is a bit confusing to citizens when our competitor HSBC and another bank simultaneously try to foreclose on the same property, especially when they are in a federal foreclosure prevention program. It’s sort of like one of those programs on Animal Planet where each hyena grabs a leg of the still twitching gazelle and tries to pull it away from the other hyenas. But that’s the way nature works—nobody asks those hyenas petty-minded questions about whether title to the gazelle was properly transferred, and to which hyena, and whether the title was properly notarized by an authorized local cheetah. Sometimes a company just has to sink its fangs into a customer, lock its jaws, which can exert a pressure of 1,000 pounds per square inch, brace its legs, yank, and see what tears loose. If we get the wrong gazelle, we will make every effort to compensate it for our erroneous gnawing, bone-crushing, and marrow-sucking.”

“It appears that some of our process servers may not have actually served the owners with…

Continue on here…


8 Responses to “Foreclosure Fun – Bank of America Announces That It Has Discovered Some Trivial Technical Problems With a Small Number of its Mortgages”
  1. Augustus Melmotte says:

    I am the author of the hyena satire, and I completely agree that it is time to start putting some of the perpetrators in jail. If anyone is interested in further exploration of the theoretical underpinnings of property rights, I highly recommend Hernando de Soto’s The Mystery of Capital, which is about the terrible consequences in emerging economies of the lack of secure property rights. He points out that we take these rights for granted, but they only really solidified in this country in the middle of the nneteenth century. And they are fragile and MUST be protected.

  2. Linda Venturella says:

    Now tell me, are these not the same issues today that our founders struggled with prior to the Revolutionary War and the signing of the Declarartion of Independence in 1776? We have gone astray, and now is the time we must start returning to our founding principles.

  3. RAMONA says:

    I am ready to pull out the gullitine

  4. cognitive dissonance says:

    I think a better plan might be to to have a national year for mortgage default. If we can get about 10 or 20 million Americans to intentionally default on the mortgage we should be able to crush the banks. Everyone would need to check to make sure that the bank has already f—d up the paperwork so that they can have a genuine legal challenge to the mortgage.

    I wonder if this mass scale civil disobedience would fly.

    • Elyse says:

      Count me in…I keep paying and they already foreclosed!! Fighting in Court and Judge ordered me to continue paying while this case works through the process…need some sort of a blog live like many people chatting in real time…

    • Naaman Fletcher says:

      Everyone just needs to file quiet title actions at the same time. Let’s take the offensive.

  5. Elyse says:

    I have some friends in my area who are willing to stand out in front of all the banks advising banks customer’s of their sneaky shanannigons and wrongful foreclosure ations resulting in millions of American homeowners being thrown into the streets!

    We might want to consider doing this Nation Wide on a specific day and time with all local media receiving Press Releases so they will cover it???

    Any thoughts?

  6. This is the only question that remains says:

    Krugman: “The Question Is Whether Our Economy Is Governed By Any Kind Of Rule Of Law”

Leave a Reply