This was sent to me in an email so I don’t know the exact source other than it appears to be written by Mike? If you are the author and would like full credit send me an email from the contact form above…
SERS | Spouse Electronic Recording System
Mike, on February 21, 2011 at 7:01 am said:
I have finally come to one conclusion: if you can’t beat ‘em, join ‘em!
My proposal is quite simple–a paperless marriage recording system, called SERS, (Spouse Electronic Recording System) for the electronic recording of marriages. To avoid the high costs of (not to mention the hassle of) the filing of marriage certificates, a SERS member would be able to simply record himself or herself as a “nominee” for A marriage to A spouse. The SERS system will record that A marriage has taken place, but the person to whom the SERS member becomes married does not have to be specified until just prior to the termination of the marriage–via divorce or death.
In this manner, one is able to “leave one’s options open.” It is a perfect system for those who would like the stability of the institution of marriage, yet, at the same time, yearn for the flexibility of non-commitment. It announces to the world, “I’m married–I’m just not saying to whom it is that I am married.”
Mind you–the flexibility provided by SERS would have its limits. For example, a SERS marriage could only be assigned to a SERS member, and the marriage would have to be “officiated” by a SERS authorized officer. Nevertheless, virtually anyone with a pulse, $25 for an official SERS certifying officer stamp, an ink jet printer, and access to a SERS terminal could become a certifying officer of SERS. (And then there is Provision K, the “Kunkle Provision,” which provides for dead certifying officers, as well.)
At the “consecration” of the relationship–which is technically an “agency relationship,” the marriage will be given a SIN number, or Spouse Identification Number. In this manner, through the SIN number, any married person can track who their actual spouse is–except in the case of most situations–where the SERS member prefers to keep that information private. Rest assured, however, if you die or if you cause a divorce, a spouse will be assigned to you at least 30 days prior to such death or divorce, except in the case of most situations, where the spousal nominator doesn’t know what the heck is going on—wherein an assignment will be backdated to reflect that the spousal assignment transpired 30 days prior to said death or divorce.
Due to the high-tech nature of the proprietary data tracking software used by SERS, only one employee of SERSCORP will be necessary, and the cost of her salary and generous bonus structure will be virtually unnoticeable as it is skimmed off one marriage transaction fee at a time as SERS marital swaps are traded seamlessly Over The Counter through Cayman Island accounts. Due to the swapping functionality enabled by their individual (original) SINs, SERS marriages will facilitate the marital churning process without the pain, humiliation, or cost of conventional marital swapping. The cost of SERS transaction fees will be recouped in the sheer volume of marital business as marriage certificates are securitized into MBS (Marriage-Backed Securities.)
Keep in mind that many marital swaps can be transacted over the life of a SERS marriage, and the nominee spouse will be unaware of such arrangements. However, therein lies the genuine excitement that only fraud-ridden obfuscation could ever bring to a marriage. (Will my nominee spouse be long? Will my nominee spouse be short? Will my nominee spouse be naked? Will my nominee spouse purchase enhancements? Will my nominee spouse be synthetic? Will my nominee spouse be square?)
At SERSCORP…we’ll put the SERS in Sersprise!
Pamela Edwards, on February 21, 2011 at 7:47 am said:
Wow, I can’t wait wait until SERS becomes the common accepted business model.Is securitization going to be included.BTW is this a BEAR STERNS financial product?If in fact it is a SERSCORP marriage and securitized will this be funded everytime it is assigned allonged sold or tranferred. And finally can I get a HUMP modification on this?Any help you can give me would really be appreciated.
Mike, on February 21, 2011 at 8:34 am said:
Thank you for your interest in SERSCORP.
Actually, the SERS business model of public(ish) recordings is based on an age-old recording system that pre-dates PUBLIC recording systems. It is a reflection of days gone by–when a friendly handshake (or weapon of lethal force) was considered binding.
As far as your question regarding our HUMP Modification Program–you would first have to meet certain criteria to be considered for our Try-all HUMP Program; the first of which being the cessation of current marital relations, with continued abstinence for a period of three months. The viability of your current marital arrangement can only be assessed after you have irrevocably harmed it.
We appreciate your marital business here at SERSCORP, and encourage you to direct all other questions to a not-yet-determined call center overseas where our customer service representative will be happy to not answer your questions.
Mike, on February 21, 2011 at 9:07 am said:
We apologize for disregarding two of your questions. To clarify, SERSCORP is not a Bear Stearns Financial Product.
SERSCORP is a remotely bankrupt vestigal construct of Pair Churns, and an independently-operated arm of the (MBA) Marriage Breakers Association, which is powerful corporate hobby on Okay Street in Washington, DC.
As far as funding is concerned, here at SERSCORP, we put the “fun” in “funding” by using our own proprietary version of electronic currency that is too difficult for people outside of the Marriage Breaking Industry to understand.
Again, thank you for your interest in SERSCORP.