Belial Bank Emergency Conference Call – Discussing MERS Bailout Legislation

B.L.  Zebub: “OK everyone, listen up. The last time we had a conference call, there seemed to be an undue amount of bickering and finger-pointing between Liz Pendens, representing the title industry, and Dee Faulting representing the lender servicing industry.  By the way, Dee, you outdid yourself this month.  I heard some of our employees talking about how you saved up thousands of default notices and sent them all out on March 15th.  For the Shakespeare aficionados on this call, that’s the “Ides of March”, which, as the soothsayer predicted, was a very bad day for Julius Caesar.  Brilliant, Dee, mixing business with pleasure again!  Anyway, to save time, I will identify those in attendance besides Dee and Liz.  Of course, my trusty “Della Street” is here, Lucy Furr, will be taking notes again for us today.  As before, there are to be no recording devices used – we only turn them on to secretly record frustrated homeowners after telling them we’ve denied the loan mod they were waiting on for 14 months. We replay the tapes for the Belial Bank’s Holiday Party. [Laughter]  M. T. Remick, of the securitization industry is here, along with our intern, Les Guile, who apparently found the last conference call a real eye opener.  Isn’t that right Guile?”

Les Guile: “You got that right, sir.  Before that call, I had no idea the lending, servicing, securitization, and title industries were all in bed together…well, er, actually, er, I mean, they all have overlapping business models.  If something happens to one of them, it affects all of the others in some way. Anyway, sir, I want to thank you again for allowing me to sit in – I’m sure it will be another ‘eye-opener.’”

B. L. Zebub: “Well, Guile, you’re in for a treat today.  There are two more attorneys on line with us.  We have with us today, Hugh Bruss, one of the original legal minds behind the MERS business model.  I asked Hugh to join us today because after some recent court decisions in Oregon and elsewhere, MERS is starting to look something like a pinata at a party.  So, I thought he might want to give us all some assurances that MERS will be around for a long time.  And I’ve also asked our lead bank counsel, Damien Faust, to be here today.  Damien had mentioned a while ago that he had made some kind of secret “deal” with someone that should give us all some protection on the legal front.  I want Damien to enlighten us about his big secret, and let us know what it’s going to cost us – since everything seems to have a price these days.  Let’s start with Hugh – can you tell us about the current status of the underground record keeping business today – just kidding Hugh, I know you don’t like it when I refer to MERS’ system of voluntary registrations that way.  Just wanted to lighten up the tone around here.” [Snickers]

Hugh Bruss: “Well, we’ve had some hits and some misses.  By now, you’ve all heard of our Oregon setbacks.  But we’ve got a Plan B.  In Oregon they have a trust deed foreclosure law that contains a little glitch for us – it says that before banks can foreclose a family out of their home, the bank must first record all of the successive trust deed transfers, from first to last.  Unfortunately…”

Check out the rest of the “callhere…
(it’s a spoof)