The Winners of the ‘Chase Twitter Fail’ Haiku Contest

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The Winners of the ‘Chase Twitter Fail’ Haiku Contest

Last week, I ran a quick post in this space (“Chase’s Twitter Gambit Devolves into All-Time PR Fiasco“) on the epic Twitter fail that was JP Morgan Chase’s planned #AskJPM online Q&A. For those who missed it, this was that outstanding Too-Big-To-Fail marketing idea where Chase expected readers to tweet in in search of career advice – only to take a massive faceplant as Twitter exploded with profane, abusive and in many cases inspiringly funny “questions.” (“Would you rather negotiate with 1 horse-sized Eric Holder, or 100 duck-sized Eric Holders?” was my favorite.)

As an afterthought, I asked readers to send in haikus on the theme of Chase’s PR gambit. To the author of the best poem I promised a Jamie Dimon “Greedy Bastard” t-shirt. I honestly didn’t expect so many outstanding submissions. There were so many good ones, in fact, that in the end I couldn’t settle on just one winner – there will be two, in the end. But before I get to those, I should give props to some very honorable mentions.

First, all praise is due to those who actually honored the literary spirit of the haiku. Many of us less-civilized Americans, myself included, just went straight for a crude 17-syllable dick joke and didn’t bother with the form too much. The one I put on Twitter read as follows:

Ask Chase anything!
Public replies: blow us, you
Cheap gangster fuckwads.

Anyway, as great as they all were, my two favorites stood apart – and polar opposites of each other. On the one hand, winning for his sheer bluntness and Haiku-Fuck-You power, was @saperehilaris, who Tweeted this economical submission:

I am a huge dick
That skull fucks Americans
With their own money

Meanwhile, on the more charming and evocative end, there was this entry by Hannelore Dean:

My mom wants to know
How you like her house, her porch,
Her climbing roses.

Check out the honorable mentions here…

~

4closureFraud.org

Comments
3 Responses to “The Winners of the ‘Chase Twitter Fail’ Haiku Contest”
  1. BARBRA ORR says:

    I love the ” CHASE TWITTER FAIL”” just shows they still have their heads in the sand. now that was a stupid statement on my part Chase heads are full of air. I read everyone they were great. Really did Chase think the public would ask who colors your hair Jamie? My question do you and your wife GET SEXUAL SATIFCATION FROM SOME OF THE FORECLOSURES THAT YOU MAYBE FILMED?
    I UNDERSTAND CHASE IS ATTEMPTING TO DISPOSE OF A LARGE NUMBER OF CLAIMS UTILIZING THE “” BACK DOOR”” METHOD. CAN YOU EXPLAIN THE BACK DOOR METHOD?
    LAST MR. D HOW DO YOU FEEL ABOUT YOU AND CHASE BEING REFERRED TO AS THE ANTI-CHRIST ?

  2. Mike says:

    Follow up!

    It just occurred to me that TENS or maybe even HUNDREDS OF THOUSANDS of those affected might not even receive the NOTICE if they were already foreclosed and evicted more than one year ago and therefore the USPS change of address for forwarding mail may not be deliverable.

    Please follow up as the way the proposed settlement reads is that if 5% of those affected opt out it makes the settlement go away!

    Offered only as instructive information, not a legal opinion. I am not an attorney. I welcome any and all feedback.

  3. Mike says:

    Last week I received 2 Class Action Settlement notices. The case is Saccoccio v. JP Morgan Chase, et al. The day after receiving those I got 6 more just like the first two, except all 8 had different Case and Control Numbers.

    The case is from the Southern District of Florida and involves a $300M settlement negotiated for Chase’s force-placed insurance policies.

    Chase continues to force place hazard insurance policies (even on properties already foreclosed!) and apparently in multiples for a single loan.

    Please go to the saccocciosettlementinfo.com website and read the effect of filing a claim, but MORE importantly, the effect of doing nothing…or failing to opt out!

    YOU FORFEIT ANY AND ALL CLAIMS, PAST, PRESENT OR FUTURE as against Chase. Do yourselves a favor and read the terms of the proposed settlement available at the website above. It is not so clear in the packet you will receive by mail, although it is spelled out in bold faced all caps at the bottom of page 1 of the insert:

    “YOUR LEGAL RIGHTS ARE AFFECTED WHETHER YOU ACT OR DON’T ACT. PLEASE READ THIS NOTICE CAREFULLY, AND GET MORE INFORMATION IF YOU NEED IT. THE NOTICE WILL TELL YOU HOW TO GET THAT INFORMATION.”

    You need to be informed as it looks like Chase is attempting to finally and forever dispose of a large number of claims utilizing another sneeky back door “settlement” approach. Take the time to read and fully understand what is coming to you soon. The deadlines to respond are very strict and have huge ramifications.

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